Depression

It’s a horrible thing that I believe everyone in there life will experience at lest once and on many different levels.

Yes sadly I have experienced it. I hated it!

It’s like your trapped in a black bubble that wont pop, and it gets tighter and tighter till you cant breath, it makes everything seem so much worse then what it really is!

Thankfully I didn’t have the server case of wanting to kill myself and hospital type. But I did feel and think, if I died, would anyone care?

I hated those thoughts, but they wouldn’t leave my heart and my mind!

I got depression at the end of last year in grade 11. It was a hard year for me, with school and friends. But also with me, when difficult hard times happen, I’m affected but it takes a while to really hit me, grade 6 was a very hard for me, from family issues that hit me hard!

I ust to get A’s and B’s in everything and I knew all my time tables, then the family issues happened and my grades dropped dramatically and I forgot all those stupid time tables! :/ yer yer sad I don’t know my time tables but, whatever, I no I’m not a math genies and I’m cool with that, its definitely not my courier choice uno ;)

Anyways, at the end of 2010 I feel out of a tree, was bear hugged, went on some carnival rides and broke my sternum. Yer have your little laugh, but it was extremely painful! And I couldn’t do anything! Not even pick up a newspaper, lol.

Anyway, just before that I started getting depression, then when the sternum was broken it got worse. Cause I couldn’t do exercise and be active which is one of the things that really helps depressed people. So I lay around in pain, and when I do that I think, and cause of the depression I thought more negatively.

And it just got worse and worse, I couldn’t see the light, I had a bad breakup with my friends and more family issues so I felt I had no one to talk to. I couldn’t see the light!

But God really helped me, I would cry and cry and beg him to save me, rescue me from this darkness!

And even though all my feelings and thoughts were black, I had faith and hope.

I just needed to hold on tighter to him. It felt like I kept falling, stuck in a hole I could never escape from.

Terrified that the light at the end of the tunnel was really a train!

Through all that I had to try my best to keep my eyes set on him, and have faith and pray.

Some days I just wanted to let everything go! I felt, worthless, useless, pathetic! But God kept reminding me of his wondrous love, and he was always there for me, even when I felt no love. He never let go of my hand. :)

And 1 year later, I finally popped that darn bubble! With God’s help and miraculous love! :)  

About a month ago, depression had lost its clutch on me and I was saved, it took so many tears, faith, hope, pray and time.

But I am finally free, and it’s a miracle. I ust to think that I could never escape! I still have my moments, but compared to what it ust to be, Darn I’m Happy! :D

I always knew, and no know that it helped me with my relationship with God and I have learnt so much and I am stronger!

There is always hope! And always a hand to hold :)