It is coming to the end of semester one. As I spoke about in my previous blog post I am in the middle of a post gradate diploma course to become an art and film, television and new media teacher.
I am in the middle of practical teaching and loving it, however I am very overwhelmed as I still have uni assignments due at the same time, trying my best to juggle life and the curve balls it throws my way and struggling financially.
Since I am studying full time in an intense course I am not working and so I have no income, four months ago I applied for financial support from a particular company, after handing in all my paper work and taking the right steps, this weekend I received a letter from them saying my claim has been rejected. That was the last thing I needed to hear and of course I had a mini break down. Not pretty.
I hope and pray this is a mistake on the companies or even my behalf and hope to have the issue sorted, if I cannot receive this financial support I do not know what I will do. I am struggling enough as it is with juggling between all that must be done, let alone trying to find a casual job on top of that to support myself. I owe a lot of money to many people as I have had to borrow so much already. I am extremely blessed to be staying with family who understand and are not adding pressure on me for all the rent that is due, same with many amazing people in my life who are supporting me financially as well as emotionally.
But if there is one thing I hate it is being a burden, especially finically. It is really important to me that I am able to pay my own way through life, but that is something I can not do right now.
I have been praying for months about my financial situation and to read the word rejected in big bold letters broke my heart, and honestly I was very disappointed, God, where are you?
I prayed and prayed and brought myself to Gods feet once again... begging for His strength, guidance and peace.
Some of you may think I am over exaggerating, and maybe I am, whoever sometimes God allows things to happen in our lives so we will remember how much we desperately need Him, times like these strengthen our faith and prepare us for the future.
I honestly don't know how I have come this far, I feel my head is just above the water with waves washing over me every so often, and for a moment I fear I may drown. However I feel Jesus tell me to just hold on, hold my breath and keep paddling, I will make it. It will be difficult and almost impossible at times but there will be a shore, no matter how far away it is, it's there somewhere, and as long as I follow the sound of Gods voice I know I am paddling in the right direction.
I feel God tell me time and time again to not worry, don't allow myself to become overwhelmed. That for me is tricky, but all apart of learning how to make it through this life. There is so much that needs to be done, so many assignments, lesson plans and more. Each wave seems harder as it rushes over me.
God tells me to take it all one step at a time, one thing at a time. Take a deep breath, be still and know that I am God. When I finally do slow down and spend time with God, I feel His love and His peace. There really is no better feeling.
"Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself. Each day has enough trouble of it's own." - Matthew 6:34
"The peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and minds in Christ Jesus." - Philippians 4:7
"Be anxious for nothing, but in everything by prayer and supplication, with thanksgiving, let your requests be made known to God."- Philippians 4:6
God may not heal me of my anxiety, but I know that He will not abandon me. No matter how big or small my troubles, He is there, always and forever, I can rest well in knowing that.
