It's okay.

Some people say that quitting is for losses and there is the saying that you only loose if you don’t try.

I think these sayings can be used too much. I mean yes people who don’t try at anything can be really saddening and if you are one of those people I hope you snap out of that mind set and pull yourself together.

But where is the balance? As I know there are many in this world who push themselves way to hard, and oh I take my hat off to those people, because man can they work, it’s quite impressive, but not when it takes a toll on them emotionally as well as physically.

I remember when I quite my first job, I did it because things had gotten so intense and full on that I was having frequent anxiety and panic attacks. I used to think it was all because of work that I had them when actually I believe that it was more the cherry on top that pushed me over the edge as it had always been there.

Things got so bad that I truly felt that if I hadn’t quit then I probably would have ended up in the hospital or having some kind of breakdown, was that the end of it? Oh no of course not. After I quit I felt so bad and guilty and I felt like a failure.  I couldn’t stay and bare it, and because of that I quit, I felt like I had let myself and my family down, as the girl who quit, the  girl who couldn’t take it so she bailed out.

One day I was at home alone and my anxiety got so bad that I had to leave the house, I couldn’t breathe, doubts and questions where yelling at me and remarks of failure and weakness hunted me like a dark cloud. I jumped in my car and with my bible and a note pad I sat under a beautiful tree near a lake with ducks and swans, it was beautiful and man did I need it.

I sat and I prayed hard. And I slowly came to the realisation that I had not quit and failed myself or anyway else, I simply stood up for myself and did the right thing by me. I knew my limit and it was coming up very quickly. I knew that I had to get out of that situation to save myself. It was a hard thing to do and something I felt like I had to regret  for a long time, but in the end it was the right thing. And if you’re going through a similar thing then I suggest you pray and figure out what is best for you to do.

There are of course some things that are hard but will pass over time, and if it is the right thing to do then you can stand the storm and grow stronger as it passes. But there are some storms that you cannot stay in the middle of.

There is quitting and then there is giving up.

Quitting as it gets too much and it is bad for your health and wellbeing to stay and then there is giving up, which is giving up on yourself.

You’ve got to dig deep and find out who you really are in these situations and you must also call out to God for help. He will not put you through something that you cannot handle, ever.

“No temptation has overtaken you such as is common to man; but God is faithful, who will not allow you to be tempted beyond what you are able, but with the temptation will also make the way of escape, that you may be able to bear it.”- 1 Corinthians 10:13

I found the notebook I took with me that day and would like to share what I wrote and my prayer to God.

“I sit here on my own and fears, resentment, loneliness, heartache, regrets and mistakes haunt me like shadows, but only the shadows are of a shape of a scary monster who is nowhere to be seen.

Only Gods light can save me now, only His bright purity can rescue me from this killer of dreams and hope.

But you (I) still need to face another day, if only we could leave our complications and worries behind to venture off to a new future. If only.

I cannot do this on my own; I need you Lord, oh so much, help me! Hear my cry! And save me from the shadows that haunt me ... Must I really fall more?

I do appreciate and love my life. But sometimes it is just all too much.

Please Lord give me your words, wisdom and strength.

Amen.

I don’t want to cause any trouble, I just want to be free of the hold she has on me. (My old boss)

Must I always live with a broken heart?

I know you have a plan for my life but what if I stuff up that plan? Or I just think I have?

ARGH, I MADE THE RIGHT DECISION, I KNOW I DID I FEEL SO AT PEACE!

But why do I feel as tho I need to convince others and myself?

You know what!?  I quit my job. For many good reasons.

I finally stood up for myself and did what was best for me, no other person or the devil will make me regret my right decision, that I made with God, well at least with Him by my side.”

For all of those who are going through similar waters now or who have been, you are not alone.

Maybe a similar trial is yet to come for you, but know that you are not alone.

And it’s okay to go through these times, heck, it is good, because these are the times where God in all His miraculous glory strengthens and molds you to be a better person, but this is only doable if you let Him.

There is nothing wrong with having or getting depression, anxiety, panic attacks or any other form of emotional turmoil, because you are only human and these things happen to even the strongest of the strong and you know what? With the right mind set and a little faith it can make you stronger and it can help you to become a better and bigger person, yes it is hard but God can get you through it, God has gotten me through many trials and each one He has made into a triumph.  And I know He can do the same for you if you let Him. 

Your Protector.

I have this lovely little bird named Eugene, and he is my baby. A gift on my 19^th and he was only 10 days old when I was given him. A helpless little demanding baby, I hand reared him and I love him to bits. He is my baby and to him I really am his mamma, it is an adoptive relationship as you can imagine.

Every morning when I come out of my room he is excited to see me and celebrates with constant whistling. I like to think he does this because he loves me but it could just be that he is hoping for food. His favorite treat is ‘Arnott’s Milk Arrowroot biscuits’, which are my favorite as well. He would happily eat them until his little tummy exploded and oh yes he knows the word biscuit, we have to be careful we don’t say it because he gets so excited when you do thinking he will get one.

Anyway, every now and then I bring him in his cage out the front of the house for some sun and fresh air while I sit beside him.

Eugene loves this time; he closes his little eyes and soaks in the sun. But he can only relax and enjoy himself if I am there with him. If I leave he freaks out whistling and whistling for me and he cannot relax, only if I am there.

Why?

Because I am his protector, he knows that when I am near he is safe and that I will do all I can to look after and protect him. When he is outside he is vulnerable and he knows it, but when he is inside he is safe. So when he is outside he needs someone, often his mum to be there for him.

How are we the same?

There are many places we can be where we feel safe and confident. But there are so many places where we can feel scared, alone and unsafe.

Who is your protector?

I know who mine is, God, and just like my bird Eugene, I know that I am vulnerable and helpless without him present, as he is my protector.

I know when Eugene is scared, as he has a different whistle; I know when he is happy also. And God knows even better than anyone, all of our calls as well as what we are really feeling in our hearts. No point in trying to pretend or lie to God, because He knows.

God knows when you are most vulnerable and wants to protect you:

“So do not fear, for I am with you; do not be dismayed, for I am your God. I will strengthen you and help you; I will uphold you with my righteous right hand.” – Isaiah 41:10

God will not be fooled by your pretending:

“You have searched me, Lord, and you know me. You know when I sit and when I rise; you perceive my thoughts from afar.” Psalm 139:1-2

“For you created my inmost being; you knit me together in my mother’s womb.” Psalm 139:13

Forgiveness is a gift, Forgetting is letting go.

I was watching an episode of ‘7^th Heaven’, it’s a great old TV show. In this particular episode an older lady said “forgiveness is from God, perhaps all we can do is forget.”

Now this fascinated me, I have never ever heard it said like this, now don’t get us wrong she is not saying that humans are incapable of forgiveness. But they sure can find it hard, especially to forgive themselves.

They went on to say that you need to realise what is needed to be remembered and what is needed to be forgotten.  

For example if something is dragging you down and not helping you move forward then it probably needs to be forgotten.

Whereas other mistakes or situations are good to remember as they remind you of what you have learnt through them.

But does that mean you must remember the burning heart ache to remember the lesson? I don’t think so. I think it is possible to forget the actual trouble, mistake or nightmare but still be able to remember what you learnt from it.

When you are able to let go, happiness and peace are able to move in.

Forgiving others:

Let’s go through these one by one, there is forgiving others and forgiving yourself, which is easier? It depends on your personality and let me just say I suck at both, seriously I have an un-forgetful heart and grudge attitude I need to work on.

Forgiving others is important, not just for them but also for you, as it will give you peace. But there is a difference between forgiving and forgetting. Forgive and forget is what people say as if it is one of the easiest things in the world, but c’mon who are we kidding. It is difficult, especially when you have been hurt deeply by the ones you love.

How can you forget things that are burnt into your memory? Is possible for such pain to be eased?

Yes, because anything is possible through God. But it is not one sided, God can help and heal you, but you need to actually want to be healed.

Some people fear forgetting, as they think that if they do so then they will just give those people another chance to hurt you all over again.

You can forgive and you can forget but you can also be smart enough to know who is worth hurting for, and who you cannot let hurt you anymore.

It really is mind over matter. You need to decide to forgive, and you need to decide to forget, it’s not up to anyone else and waiting for people to come up to you and say sorry and never do such a thing again is a long shot, I mean I have faith that that can happen but the chances are not that great. And I know being the bigger person can get extremely exhausting, but that says so much about you and your character.

You can forgive that’s fine and great but to actually move on, you must forget. Because if you let it, your mind and sometimes heart will keep you locked in a tower forever.

Forgiving yourself:

Forgiving yourself, ahh, here is a hard one. It’s this personal battle that at times only God can really help you with. I know so many times I have said that God has forgiven me yet I have not yet forgiven myself, why? Well it actually can be very similar to forgiving others, it is because we are afraid that if we forgive and forget we will do it all over again and do one of the most hurtful things in the world which is to hurt others, and our hearts shatter when we hurt someone we love. And in our minds we cannot forgive ourselves.

I was watching an episode of ‘Chicago fire’, another great TV show, and there was this fire fighter who had done something horrible, and he could not forgive himself, and he confessed everything to a friend who had grown apart because of the incident and his friend told him that he forgives him, and that was all he needed, the relief he felt, it was amazing and so true. Sometimes we also cannot forgive ourselves out of fear that the ones we have hurt cannot forgive us.

I would like to encourage you that perhaps if you have un-forgiveness in your heart towards yourself or someone else that is hurting and holding you back, that now may be the time to talk with them about it.

Too late? Or it won’t help? That’s okay, you are not doomed to a life of exile, you have the power to forgive yourself and others, and an even more powerful God who can help you. But remember to move on, you must forget also. Which is easier said than done, which is why you must decide to do so.

Isn’t it interesting that forgiven has the word ‘give’ in it, perhaps forgiveness is not always mutual, but the ultimate gift.

“Be kind and compassionate to one another, forgiving each other, just as in Christ God forgave you.” Ephesians 4:32

Comparing yourself to others.

How often do you compare yourself with someone else? If it be a family member, friend, or even someone famous or someone you admire.

We all do it.

But should we?

Well, you are you; there is no one else like you, so why would you compare yourself to someone who is completely different to you?

Not only that but what are you comparing? Is it the way they look compared to you? speech? Intuition? Status? Work? The list goes on.

But I think we need to be careful, I mean, I was just talking to a friend last night, and he was feeling down as he was comparing himself to his siblings, but he was only comparing himself to the earthly and worldly things such as status, intuition and material stuff. And to be honest I was a little frustrated as from what I have seen, he is far richer then all of them together. Why? Because of his job or intuition? Well no, because of the person he is, because I know that when we all stand before God He will not compare us or talk to us about the earthly things such as where you have worked or how attractive you where or your partner. He will only be interested in your heart; He will only be interested in what you did for others, on your unselfishness and willingness to serve.

 Do you honestly think that He cares about what brand you are wearing? Or will He care more about the attitude you are wearing? Will He care more about how cool you are? Or will He care about whom you have helped even if that meant making yourself look bad in front of those whose opinions don’t even matter?

For goodness sake people grow up! This world is not the only thing in life, there is far more to it than that, and I believe so many of us get caught up in this world and we forget about what is truly important.

Don’t get me wrong I still love to shop and have glittery things, but I do not put my worth in those things, because in the end, what are they?

We need to look at the bigger picture. And we need to look inside our hearts and do what is needed to become better people rather then look in the mirror and decide which plastic surgeon to go to so that we can make ourselves look younger.

It is so sad seeing people who look great on the outside but are completely hollow on the inside, those with good hearts are far more beautiful than the latest girl on the cover of a magazine.

God made you the way you are, if He wanted you any other way He would have done so! He knew that you would look the way you do, hello he created you, and guess what? He still loves you.

God also created you in such a way that makes you completely unique to anyone else.

But don’t get me wrong, don’t use God as an excuse for bad behavior or for a particular ‘way that you are.’ Use your conscience, and read up on your bible and see what Jesus was like to decide if there is anything you may need to change about yourself to become a better person.

So next time you compare yourself to someone else or look in the mirror, remember, that they only show you the outside, not the inside, not your heart which is what matters in the end.

“For you created my inmost being; you knit me together in my mother’s womb.”

Psalm 139:13

What to do in an Uncontrollable situation?

Uncontrollable situations happen in life, all the time. What can we do about it?

Some of us worry ourselves sick and pace the floor, some make themselves busy in whatever they can find. And others pray.

Pray?

Why would you sit around and pray, when you could be helping somehow? Well here’s the thing, some situations are simply out of your control, how is worrying yourself sick going to solve anything? And making yourself busy will just wear you out fast.

When we pray, we are not just praying to anyone, we are praying to the creator of the universe! He is the most powerful thing in the entire world! Don’t you think that the wisest thing to do is sit down and talk to the one who actually can fix and heal? The one who can make the mountains move with the flick of his hand?

Bad things happen, yes, they happen to everyone, the rich, poor, good or evil, it happens, you shouldn't always see it as a punishment for something you may have done.

God allows certain things to happen for the good of you or others, things sometimes happen in order for you to learn lessons from them that nothing else could teach you. Sometimes the only thing that can change a person is something so big it stops them in their tracks and changes there life forever.

How do you pray? Well when I was younger I would image that when I said amen, the prayer I just made would be written in a letter and would float up to God for Him to read. But it is not like an email or a letter that you send away, it is a conversation, I’m not saying you hear His voice, but He certainly hears yours. A Prayer is just you talking to God, tell him about your day, thank Him for all the beautiful blessings He has given you and thank Him for His son, the reason as to why you can have a relationship with God in the first place. You can also ask God to help you and others with life, don’t beat around the bush, be honest and specific and most of all let God know that you love Him, it’s okay to tell Him that if it is true, :) I’m sure it means far more then we can imagine. A prayer does not have to be long it can be short and sweet, it can be anytime of the day or night and wherever you are.

But just because you ask God for something does not mean it will happen! God does not work for you! But He does care for you, so whatever God’s plan is it will not destroy you, and if you have the right attitude it can make you a better person.

Have faith, you may not be in control, but God is!