Dear Girl,
It’s okay that you fell for the wrong guy. It’s okay that you broke his heart. It’s okay that yours was shattered. It’s okay that you couldn’t help, heal or save him.
It was not your fault. People won’t understand the pain you have felt. People won’t understand or know it was him who hurt and abused you. People wont get it because they were fooled by his outward mask same as you. But don’t worry about it. They don't need to know. You know, God knows and close loved ones know. That’s all that matters.
Let go of the pain he caused. Remove the feelings of despair, confusion and guilt. It was not your fault. Forget how he would look down at you like you were the crazy one after he beat you down to be under his feet through manipulation and choice words. Let go of how he treated you when ‘you’ were the problem, when ‘you’ had done wrong by him. Let go of how he belittled you and made you feel when he stopped saying he loved you until he thought you were punished enough or came back crawling on your knees. Forget how he stopped touching you with affection for days as punishment. Let go of how he manipulated your own words against you, making you feel crazy and confused. Forget how he stopped calling you beautiful, even though you looked stunning. Move on from the times he acted so childish and then refused to talk through it acting like nothing was wrong until you were so broken you couldn’t breathe. Release yourself from the guilt and blame of giving him another chance time and time again after he said he would change. Claiming he would be a better man.
Forget about how he belittled you each day through tiny things such as his use of language, text’s and touch. Let go of how he pleased you but also took from you what he wanted if you wanted it or not. Forgive yourself for not being strong enough to say no.
Rejoice that you saw his true colours and was able to leave him. Forgive yourself for unconsciously allowing yourself to be taken away from your friends and family. Know that you are loveable and will be loved the right way.
Forgive yourself for falling for his victim attitude and having to do all the work in the relationship. Forgive yourself for saying yes to him when you should have said no.
Remember to trust your instincts. You knew things were not right, his actions and words did not match up. Forget the blame, torment and fear you faced in the breakup. Forget that he emotionally abused you. Forget he said it was all your fault and that you have ruined his life. Move on and let go of the fear you faced when he wouldn’t accept the break up and stalked you. Forgive him for being so broken that he tried to break you.
Celebrate the fact that he couldn’t break you! You came back stronger, and you have a life to live without his poison. Forgive yourself for still being affected by his emotional abuse. In your own time deal with and move on from the anxiety you face month by month from the past. When it comes face it, don’t fight it. Let it roll over you like a wave that thrashes you around under the water and then diminishes into nothing. Feel it, face it, deal with it. Then move on! Live life and love it.
Yours truly
An emotionally abused girl who is stronger then her past.
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