Forgiveness is a gift, Forgetting is letting go.

I was watching an episode of ‘7^th Heaven’, it’s a great old TV show. In this particular episode an older lady said “forgiveness is from God, perhaps all we can do is forget.”

Now this fascinated me, I have never ever heard it said like this, now don’t get us wrong she is not saying that humans are incapable of forgiveness. But they sure can find it hard, especially to forgive themselves.

They went on to say that you need to realise what is needed to be remembered and what is needed to be forgotten.  

For example if something is dragging you down and not helping you move forward then it probably needs to be forgotten.

Whereas other mistakes or situations are good to remember as they remind you of what you have learnt through them.

But does that mean you must remember the burning heart ache to remember the lesson? I don’t think so. I think it is possible to forget the actual trouble, mistake or nightmare but still be able to remember what you learnt from it.

When you are able to let go, happiness and peace are able to move in.

Forgiving others:

Let’s go through these one by one, there is forgiving others and forgiving yourself, which is easier? It depends on your personality and let me just say I suck at both, seriously I have an un-forgetful heart and grudge attitude I need to work on.

Forgiving others is important, not just for them but also for you, as it will give you peace. But there is a difference between forgiving and forgetting. Forgive and forget is what people say as if it is one of the easiest things in the world, but c’mon who are we kidding. It is difficult, especially when you have been hurt deeply by the ones you love.

How can you forget things that are burnt into your memory? Is possible for such pain to be eased?

Yes, because anything is possible through God. But it is not one sided, God can help and heal you, but you need to actually want to be healed.

Some people fear forgetting, as they think that if they do so then they will just give those people another chance to hurt you all over again.

You can forgive and you can forget but you can also be smart enough to know who is worth hurting for, and who you cannot let hurt you anymore.

It really is mind over matter. You need to decide to forgive, and you need to decide to forget, it’s not up to anyone else and waiting for people to come up to you and say sorry and never do such a thing again is a long shot, I mean I have faith that that can happen but the chances are not that great. And I know being the bigger person can get extremely exhausting, but that says so much about you and your character.

You can forgive that’s fine and great but to actually move on, you must forget. Because if you let it, your mind and sometimes heart will keep you locked in a tower forever.

Forgiving yourself:

Forgiving yourself, ahh, here is a hard one. It’s this personal battle that at times only God can really help you with. I know so many times I have said that God has forgiven me yet I have not yet forgiven myself, why? Well it actually can be very similar to forgiving others, it is because we are afraid that if we forgive and forget we will do it all over again and do one of the most hurtful things in the world which is to hurt others, and our hearts shatter when we hurt someone we love. And in our minds we cannot forgive ourselves.

I was watching an episode of ‘Chicago fire’, another great TV show, and there was this fire fighter who had done something horrible, and he could not forgive himself, and he confessed everything to a friend who had grown apart because of the incident and his friend told him that he forgives him, and that was all he needed, the relief he felt, it was amazing and so true. Sometimes we also cannot forgive ourselves out of fear that the ones we have hurt cannot forgive us.

I would like to encourage you that perhaps if you have un-forgiveness in your heart towards yourself or someone else that is hurting and holding you back, that now may be the time to talk with them about it.

Too late? Or it won’t help? That’s okay, you are not doomed to a life of exile, you have the power to forgive yourself and others, and an even more powerful God who can help you. But remember to move on, you must forget also. Which is easier said than done, which is why you must decide to do so.

Isn’t it interesting that forgiven has the word ‘give’ in it, perhaps forgiveness is not always mutual, but the ultimate gift.

“Be kind and compassionate to one another, forgiving each other, just as in Christ God forgave you.” Ephesians 4:32