Fear of Love.

For a while now God has been placing some stuff on my heart, It’s one of those tricky times where I am unsure of what He is saying and most of all what I am suppose to do. 

A while back my bible reading asked me what was my biggest fear? And my pastor asked today in his sermon, what’s your biggest fear?

For me I believe it’s vulnerability when it comes to love, allowing someone to love you means being raw, its more then caring and its much more then like. But that person whom you love has to accept your love and to do that this person has to open up 100%.  And THAT terrifies the heck out of me. 

An image that comes to mind is someone ripping and holding open there chest to reveal a beating heart. Which means being completely exposed to possible harm. And to me I do not understand how or why people would do such a thing.

Whats the point? They will end up hurting you anyway. 

I guess the question is what am I missing out on. By protecting myself from potential harm am I harming myself in a different way?

My mind is a mess when it comes to this, I have pushed it down so far inside myself I don’t even know what exactly I am afraid of. Rejection? That person falling out of love with me? Loving the wrong person? Or is it the fear of them changing, which would change their feelings for me?

See what I mean, a mess! 

But I feel God is asking me to be open, but with what? and how?

I am a very sensitive and emotional person, its a curse and a gift at the same time, as I am able to really connect and help people by seeing things that others may not see in them. But the backlash is that my heart is easily crushed. Which I really don’t like.

I am a loving person, I can love others just fine, I love helping people, and sharing my time and heart, and I feel as though I am an open person. But when it comes to being loved in return, thats what I can’t handle. My walls come up and I run. Every-time.

But why? Well I have a few ideas as to why, things that are from my past, I have been shutting myself off since I was 10 years old, maybe younger. Old habits die hard. 

And we have all been rejected and hurt by those we care about at some point in our lives, thats just how it goes.

But am I also shutting myself off from the one who actually can love me perfectly? In my frantic mission to protect my heart am I shutting God out? Man I hope not. One of the reasons why I shut off is because it all gets too much. My emotions get too heavy and I just can’t handle it. 

Don’t get me wrong I do love life and I am happy, I have so much to be grateful for. I just felt I needed to share with you what God has been placing on my heart. Maybe this is how you feel, maybe you shut yourself off too.

To solve this I need to know exactly what I am afraid of, then with God go from there. But it is just like forgiving yourself, you need to make the decision to change. It’ll take time and a lot of faith,  but God has your hand and most of all He has your heart, its the best place for it to be. 

The best way out is always through- Robert Frost.

To get through this you need to face your fear, I need to face my fear, there’s no other way. We all need to get to the other side, God has a beautiful destination for us if we have the courage to go through our fear, and face it head on. I’m ready, are you?

“There is no fear in love. But perfect love drives out fear”- 1 John 4:18

Have courage to be who you are.

I went to a festival called Easter Fest on the weekend, I had a great time as I was helping out in the kids zone as a face painter.

One night I was hanging out with some friends of mine and we where just coming back from seeing a band, there was this ride that they where all keen to go on, but I wasn't.

It was like the claw ride but instead of innocently rocking side to side, like a normal fun ride, this ride flipped right around, so yes, at one point on that ride you are literally hanging upside down!

All you thrill seekers are probably screaming with excitement right now, where as those who prefer rides like the 'Scooby Doo Ride', (best ride of all time), this going upside down thing does not excite you in anyway.

Well the first time I saw what this 'claw' ride actually did I knew that I would never be going on it, ever! It's just not my thing, at all. I would happily go on the 'Scooby Doo Ride' ten times in a row, but swinging upside down... I will pass thanks.

Anyway my friends wouldn't take no for an answer, they bought me a ticket though I begged them not to and then they dragged me to the line of the ride, until I dug my heals in and was able to escape. They underestimated my stubbornness, and they didn't realise till then how badly I didn't want to go on that ride!

Anyway I got a bit teary after that as I was really embarrassed from them dragging me along so far in front of other people.

I sat and ate a snow-cone as they enjoyed the crazy ride. After they got off one of them felt awful for trying to push me onto the ride, I forgave them but I couldn't help but feel like they thought I was boring, and lame. Heck... some of you readying this might think so too.

But hey, this pink haired noise studded girl is anything but boring. I love to have fun, my type of fun may be different to other peoples type of fun, and guess what, thats okay!

Shocker I know, but this really bugs me about humanity, they say, 'yeah be yourself we will love you for it!' but heaven forbid you praise Jesus, or you would prefer to stay in and read a book then go out every friday night and get drunk.

They might as well say, 'yeah, sure, be yourself but we will only accept you if you do things in this way, or that way.'

Don't get me wrong, people of all walks of life, religion and race do this to each other. And its disappointing.

But what is even more disappointing is when people say that God can only love you if you are a certain way.

God loves all of us, He sent his son to dye for ALL of our sins, yes that means the arm cutting goth  you just shook your head at, the women with five kids who doesn't know who's father is who's, even the uptight, self-righteous pretenders that sit in church pews every Sunday thinking they are better then everyone else. All of them and all of us.

God does not have a list where He can only love you if you tick each flippin box! What a bunch of humbug.

God loves us all, He just does not love the sinful things we do, the sinful things we all do. But the great thing is if you seek forgiveness with an honest heart God will forgive you.

Here comes another shocker, God also created us all differently, with different likes and dis-likes, different personalities, opinions. Which is awesome. Have you seen some of the amazing things God created in this world? Thats proof that He is not a boring God, and that He is a God who loves variety, from the brown skirt wearing missionary to the blue haired partier.

From the stink bug to the tiger.

God loves you.

And because of that unconditional love God has blessed me with, I have security in who I am, in my quirks, my strengths and my many weaknesses.

I am who I am and I am proud to be... I love my God and because of that I choose to live my life for Him.

So don't be afraid to be who you are, if your favourite music is jazz or head banging rock, thats cool!

Have courage to be who you are.

"I praise you, for I am fearfully and wonderfully made." Psalm 139: 14

Hope is not measured by its size, but its strength.

One of my favourite stories in the Bible is about a man named Job, now this story is not often talked about as it is brutal, but I love it because it really shows faith, trust, hope, tragedy and triumph. I feel as though many people avoid this story as we would all hate for it to happen to us.

The story is found in the book of Job in the Bible. But this is pretty much how it goes:

(NOTE: This was in the old testament times before Jesus died on the cross, things where very different back then.)

There once was a man named Job, and he had everything. He was the richest man around, he had houses, camels, donkeys, money, ten kids (seven males), servants, everything! 

In todays time he would have Lamborghini's and a private plane, yes that kind of rich.  

But Job was also a good man who loved God. His kids loved to party, so Job would often ask for God's forgiveness on their behalf, just in case they were being naughty.

Now Satan was saying that the only reason Job loved God so much was because God had blessed him with such a good life, he had never been through hardship therefore if times got tough Job would end up hating God.

God let Satan put Jobs' faith to the test, what happened after is not pretty.

The first tragedy that happened to poor Job was this; all his Oxen and donkeys were stolen and a heap of his servants were killed. Just as Job was being told of this news another servant came and said a fire killed all his sheep and the servants that were there. Once again just as the next horrible news was being told another servant came telling him his camels were all stolen and the servants killed. Then just as the latest servant was speaking another came with horrid news, all of his ten children were killed when the house they were partying at collapsed.

Can you imagine! Everything Job had and held dear was brutally taken from him in the matter of hours... everything.

I can't even place myself in his position, and I don't want to! What a nightmare.

So what did Job do next? Scream and yell at God? How many of us would?

Job ripped his clothes in anger, shaved his head (I don't know why),  then he feel to his knees and said.

"Naked I came from my mothers womb, and naked I will depart. The Lord gave and the Lord has taken away; may the name of the Lord be praised." Job 1:20

Wait what!?

May the Lord be praised, Job, your whole life has just been smashed by a giant hammer!

Amongst Jobs heartbreak and tragedy he kept his head and chose to to keep his faith and love for God in a hopeless situation.

Wow.

After all these things God says to Satan; "My servant Job, there is no one on earth like him; he is blameless and upright, a man who fears God and shuns evil. And he still maintains his integrity, though you incited me against him to ruin him without any reason."

Satan claims that what Job went through wasn't bad enough and that if Job was ill he would then curse and hate God.

Wait! There's more that happens to Job? Yeah... sadly there is more.

So then Satan made Job ill with painful sores from the bottom of his feet to his head. Jobs wife tells Job to stop his integrity and to hate God, curse Him, spit at the sound of His name.

Jobs reply is breath taking, "Shall we accept good from God, and not trouble?"

When Jobs friends came to visit him they barley recognised him due to the illness, they then weep and cry for what he had lost. For seven days and nights they all just sat together, saying nothing.

After this Job wished he was never born and cursed the day he was born. He asked God why me? What have I done wrong to deserve this? 

But never cursed God.

His friends and Job have probably one of the longest arguments ever about life, God and hope. By the sounds of things Jobs friends where not very helpful. Though throughout it all Job proclaims his integrity will never die until the day he dies. 

God intervenes and speaks of many things and how He appreciates that Job spoke well and truthfully of God even in all his suffering. 

After all this, after everything was taken away from Job, then his friends gave him an un-called for lecture, God blesses Job, giving him twice as much as he had before. All of Jobs friends and family came together for a feast, and each of them gave Job their love, comfort and then gave him one piece of silver and a gold ring. 

Job had twice as many live stock as before the tragedies and had ten more children, seven boys and three girls, all of which were given an inheritance and Jobs three daughters were the most beautiful in the land. 

Job lived to be 104 years old! He watched his family grow and lived to see the forth generation of kids. Job passed away as an old man full of years with such a big life story.

Yeah... wow. 

How many of us have lost our integrity and love for God? And why?

Maybe you have experienced a Job life, everything, just everything taken away from you. 

But no matter what has happened to you or what you may be going through, it is completely up to you on how you react. No one can react for you, no one and nothing else choses your attitude, you do that. 

If life is rough for you right now then have a vent, speak to someone but don't give up, and don't give up on God. 

Throughout Jobs troubles God was there even through Job may not have felt like it, and that happens all the time now a days. Sometimes in our troubles God seems to be far far away. But that does not mean you should give up, keep the faith, God always comes through, always. 

He won't give up on you, it's us who gives up on Him. 

Search and search for that hope, no matter how small, even if you have to dig for it. Because it will be there, waiting for you to find and be empowered by it's strength.




Hope is not measured by its size, but by its strength.

There is a time and place for everything, including what we wear.

Ladies there is a time and a place for everything, which includes what we wear.

I’m not going to yell at you and say what you can and can’t wear; I simply want you to think about what you wear and why. And not about what the latest fashion magazine tells you to wear. I’m not even going to use the word ‘modest’ too much because that just sounds so dull, and besides everyone has their own meaning for the word.

When people say “dress modestly” they don’t always mean you should be boring, most of the time they mean dress as a lady, in other words don’t be revealing, which is a good way to dress.

When I hear the saying ‘dress modestly’ I think of brown colours and greys. Which is not my thing, hello, I have pink streaks in my hair.

If you like to wear brown coloured clothes that’s cool! But that’s not for everyone. Everyone is different with their own personalities and characteristics. Why dress the same as the latest fashion model or rock-star, when you can dress to suit your personality.

But in saying that there is a time and place for everything, that includes what we wear.

I have seen young girls on the train going to the city wearing only a crop top and short shorts.

Some women say they can’t find there prince, but are you dressed as a princess?

Think about it, if you wear skimpy clothing that shows a lot of your body in a place where it is unnecessary, then what kind of men will you attract? A young gentleman or a scumbag?

Now just because I call them a gentleman does not make them boring, a real man is fun but also respects you and has great respect for you, A real man will “fight for your honour!” to quote the 80s song.

A scumbag will not, and will expect things from you that you may not be willing to give. A scumbag will also use words against you to make you feel weak and useless whereas a real man will use words to encourage you.  

Now when I say “in a place where it is unnecessary” I mean that there is a place where it’s ok to wear clothes that show some of your body, such as the beach or a pool. That’s totally okay, I know there are many people who disagree with women wearing bikinis at the beach because it’s a ‘distraction to guys’ or ‘it’s too hard for men to control them-selves.’

PLEASE! Real men are not mindless beasts that see meat and turn into some kind of werewolf! In case you hadn’t noticed that really ticks me off. Women aren’t aloud to feel comfortable at the beach and get some sun?

It comes down to your heart, if you (ladies) are at the beach and you are just there for some sun, laughs with family/friends and for some swimming in the ocean, that’s great. If you are there to flaunt yourself, that’s not so great. There’s nothing wrong with liking how you look, I wish more women did, but there’s confidence and then there is cockiness. There is no need to be cocky ladies. We are all beautiful in our own unique ways.

This leads me to another topic, sexual assault. Ladies if you have been sexually assaulted in any way, then I’m so sorry that has happened to you and IT’S NOT YOUR FAULT.

No matter what you wear if a guy wants you sexually he is going to see straight through your clothes.

And even if you where wearing something that might be a bit revealing, there is a line that men and women should never cross. And that’s forcing yourself onto someone who does not want it. It sickening that people do that, and even worse when some say its okay. So not okay!  

But ladies you should never flaunt and tease a man either. If he is a good man who respects you, then you need to show him some respect also.

In the end what you wear says a lot about you. Ladies you are full of so much worth, there is no need to show most of your body and breasts, you are more than that. Have some respect for yourselves and your body, and allow for a little mystery.

“Your clothes should be tight enough to show you’re a woman but loose enough to show you’re a lady.”- Marilyn Monroe

Weeds are flowers too, once you get to know them.- Eeyore

As I was hanging out my washing a while back I looked down and noticed a pretty purple/pink flower on the ground, there where only about two or so flowers on this little plant but I thought it was very pretty. Though it was in an area you wouldn't expect it to be able to grow.

So I cleared all  the rubbish away from the plant and watered it. A few days latter I come outside to see how my little plant was going, I was shocked and saddened to see that someone had thrown a heap of dirt and junk over the top of the plant and it was nowhere to be seen... I assumed it to be dead. 

Anyway I went down stairs today and glanced over the spot where the plant use to be...

Amazingly the plant had survived and was shooting threw the dirt and junk that had been thrown on top of it, not only that it is now twice as pretty and strong as it was before the incident with even more flowers. 

This little plant, though I'm not sure if it is a flower or a weed. It fought to be alive, this little plant didn't say, 'Oh dear, life has thrown itself over me again... oh well guess I should give up.'

Nope! This plant put up a fight, got through it and is now stronger then it has ever been before.

Maybe we should be more like this plant. 

Life can be hard and it can get you down, sometimes it feels like life just got a shovel and thrown dirt and junk over the top of us... leaving us gasping for air and hoping for sunlight. 

But we need to fight back, force our way through the mess and break through. It will be hard and may take time but it is worth it... there is light at the end of the tunnel. It may be dark for now but keep pushing and you will see the beauty of the sky and sun once again. 

Also once your through you will be stronger and you will shine... its no lie, beautiful people don't just happen.

" The most beautiful people we have known are those who have known defeat, known suffering, known struggle, known loss, and have found their way out of the depths. These persons have an appreciation, a sensitivity, and an understanding of life that fills them with compassion, gentleness, and a deep loving concern. Beautiful people do not just happen." - Elisabeth Kubler-Ross

Couldn't have said it better myself... but remember, you are not alone, God is by your side always loving and eager to help.