The butterfly project.

I am not a cutter but I know many who are and who have been. Self harm is a way for people to let go of the pain they feel inside that gets too strong (and many other reasons). And there are many different types of self harm. So I want to share a little something called The Butterfly Project. I do not know who started this but I believe it can work.

The rules for the butterfly project are pretty simple;
One: When you feel like you want to cut get a pen or sharpie and draw a butterfly on yourself.
Two: Name the butterfly after a loved one or someone who really wants you to get better.
Three: You MUST let the butterfly fade naturally. No scrubbing it off.
Four: If you cut before the butterfly is gone, you've killed it. If you don’t cut, it lives.
Five: If you have more than one butterfly, cutting kills all of them.
Six: Another person may draw them on you. These butterflies are extra special.
Seven: Even if you don’t cut, feel free to draw a butterfly anyway, to show your support. 

The other day I was at the train station waiting for my train, I decided to go to the toilet, a girl came in and something didn’t seem right, as I was washing my hands a little voice came from the cubical asking for toilet paper as her arm was bleeding, I instantly asked how bad it was and if she needed help. A 14year old girl came out of the cubical and she had blood all over her white shirt and jeans, my eyes froze to her arm where the bleeding was.

I had never seen anything like it, she was clearly a self-harmer, her hole left arm was completely red and bruised from previous small sliced cuts she had done to herself, clearly she had cut herself the night before and just bumped her arm and the scabs had re-opened, they were very small cuts but they sure did bleed.  

I instantly wet some paper and helped to stop the bleeding, she was scared so I went with her to the desk where she got many funny looks from people and we got some band-aids.

I then sat with her and we chatted as I helped bandage her arm. I then noticed she had cuts all over her body. My heart went out to this young girl. We chatted about many things, manically depressed she said she was, no surprise. She was a sweet girl, just very sad and lost. During the bandaging I told her about the butterfly project and asked if it would be okay for me to draw a butterfly on her arm and sign my name to it. She agreed and all I can do is hope and pray that it helps her in some way.

I have seen and know many people who have been cutters, but that isn’t the only type of self harm, there are many. Self harm really is any way that you beat yourself up over something, you could be punishing yourself or you’re just so sad on the inside that you need to physically release the pain somehow, as it is all too much.

Either way if you are a light cutter or a heavy cutter, an emotional self harmer or a punisher towards yourself you need to find a way to stop.

I have been an emotional self harmer and I snapped myself out of that with Gods help, it took me a while and I often come back to doing it, but you need to realize when you do these things and stop yourself, because you will only destroy yourself. Maybe that’s what you want. To stop living, I have helped many through that and still do, and I have lost someone to it also.

But I am here to tell you that life can get better! You just need to give it the chance and change your thinking. I know I know it’s hard and may seem impossible but it is possible. As all things are possible through God! Ask for His help and be real about it.

There is no magic potion that can heal you, but there is a saviour who loves you dearly and it hurts Him as much as it hurts you when he see’s you self-harming. God can help you, just like he has helped me and thousands of others.

But in the end you need to work hard to get through hard times especially depression and similar things to that. And most of all you cannot do it alone, if you are too afraid to ask for the help you need then I pray that someone will come along and see your need for help.

For those who are on the hard path to get through this, well done! And please keep going!

Don’t give up and never give up on yourself! You’re worth fighting for.

There is always HOPE.

"He heals the broken hearted and binds up there wounds."

Psalm 147: 3

Can we save people or only be there?

Ever since I was a little girl I always tried to save things, toys, objects, animals. I always tried to rescue bugs from my brother as they often became his little science projects that he would get board of eventually and forget about. I would fight with him and have a grand plan to set them free in the wild where they belonged.

I’ve always tried to keep little important things that have been broken or unusable as I believe that one day they may be needed or used. This is a gift as well as sometimes being a curse.

When I was a little girl I tried to save a little bee that had lost his stinger. I remember making him a tissue bed and trying to nurse him back to health. My mother later explained that when a bee stings something it dies. Well I was sad of course and I did my best but the bee did die as that’s just how it is.

I have always tried to save people also. Keep them as my friend no matter how damaging the relationship was for me as I wanted to help them. And had this hope that someday just maybe, me staying would save them.

Growing up in this life has showed me many things so far but one thing in particular. You can’t save people. You just can’t. You can try, try all you can but you just can’t. You can only love them. That has become my favourite quote. You can’t save people you can only love them- Anais Nin.

One of the reasons why I took my dear friends suicide so badly (despite the obvious) is because I’m a fixer and a saver. The fact that I couldn’t or in my mind could have saved him killed me.

It has taken me almost two years to let it go. The fact that I can’t save people. It sucks and it’s hard but it’s the truth.

I came up with a strange fantasy that I thought I could and that it was my responsibility. Big no no! Why? Many reasons but the main one being if I had lived that way for much longer it would have been the death of me emotionally. I would have wasted away like so many in this world and become just another faded person. Now that’s not cool.

I had also come up with some strange fantasy that I had let down God, as the responsibility had come partly from Him. And that is wrong.

I can make a difference in someone’s life as can you and I believe we all have a purpose, each one of us. But at no point ever in time will God place something on you that you can’t handle and will destroy you. Never ever would God or has God done that. If you look in the bible and read the stories every time someone has failed on a mission that God gave was because they took it on themselves and tried to do it on their own without Gods help. Which of course stuffed them up and also burnt them out really quick. Where as that is not what God wants, He wants what is best for us and can and will use us to the best of our abilities, but we can only make it if we let God be our strength and empower us to do the impossible, but only through God.

Clear all doubts and fears that race in your mind, constantly reminding you of past mistakes and failures. Such thoughts are not from God. You are more than your yesterday.

“My flesh and my heart may fail, but God is the strength of my heart and my portion forever.”  

Psalm 73:26

What you want and what you need.

Gods plans for us are not always as we want. Actually very often we don’t get what we wished or prayed for. And sometimes that is probably a good thing.

How many of you pray for your own happiness? (which is a fine thing to do just as long as it isn't all you pray about)

When was the last time you prayed for someone else? Or even prayed for something you may not want knowing it’s the right thing to do? What have you done about your prayers?

I watched Bruce Almighty a little while ago, it was a little disrespectful at times but overall it was funny and had a good message.

There comes a point in the film where Bruce who was given Gods power (including responsibilities) answered every single prayer with yes. This lead to destruction, for example many people won the lotto which means they all had to share the money.  Bruce seeks out God and complains about the mess as God replies, “Since when have people know what they want.”

So true, we all think we know what we want or even what we think we need, but God is the only one who truly knows.

I read a little message card the other day that is about a little caterpillar watching a butterfly stating that he never wants to fly. The bible verse that goes with it is,

“The Lord will fulfil his purpose for me.” Psalm 138:8

We don’t always get what we want but often we receive what we need from God. Sometimes we don’t end up where we hoped to be. But that doesn’t mean we are a failure. God can use you no matter where you are.  

God is not punishing you, God is taking you on a personal journey that can change and heal you to fulfil your purpose, your destiny. But only if you have the courage to let God in, and move on with your life and to serve, if you are where you thought you would be or not.

Life is messy, yes, but it is livable. It is bearable no matter how unbearable it may be. Everything changes with time. But God is the same, yesterday, today and tomorrow.

When you are unlovable God loves you.

When you are cranky, God loves you.

When you can’t even love yourself, God still loves you!

Give life the chance and give God the chance. Heck, give yourself the chance to grow and move forward! Life will be ready for you to join in again when you are ready to step back into it. 

A reminder.

There is no such beauty as the stars of the night sky.

I sat out on the unfinished deck tonight and lay there staring up at the stars. I was mesmerized.

They where speechlessly stunning.

I just wanted to say that life is still beautiful, it may not be perfect but it holds beauty and love everywhere.  You just need to give yourself the chance to see that.

I want to encourage you all to give life that chance. Just to stop and take a breather. Look up at the stars at night. Spend your day trying to make each member of your family smile or laugh at least once.  

Life gets hard and it gets busy. But take the time or make the time to enjoy it. Working is good yes and providing for your family and yourself is very important but what’s the point if you can’t enjoy precious moments with the ones you’re working so hard for?

Take a chance, dream, pray and always always love. 

You are not Alone.

^“Then he got into the boat and his disciples followed him. Suddenly a furious storm came up on the lake, so that the waves swept over the boat. But Jesus was sleeping. The disciples went and woke him, saying, “Lord, save us! We’re going to drown!”

He replied, “You of little faith, why are you so afraid?” Then he got up and rebuked the winds and the waves, and it was completely calm.

The men were amazed and asked, “What kind of man is this? Even the winds and the waves obey him!” – Mathew 8: 23-27

I have heard this story many times as I have grown up with church. But it was talked about in my wor4U2Day devotions last night, in a way it has never been talked about before and it got me thinking.

Jesus was on the boat with the disciples the whole time, He was right there. Literally. Yet the storm still came, thrashing at the boat. As you can imagine the men were terrified, but Jesus was right there on that very boat with them, during the same storm, fast asleep might I add.

The men were terrified because they did not feel Jesus’ presence, even though He was there, because they didn’t feel Him they lost sight of God and their faith. They set their eyes on the size of the waves and their minds focused on the fear in their hearts.

How many of us do the very same thing? We have all been through storms and most likely are still going through them. During these storms it is easy to lose sight of what is really important and fearfully stare into the storm that we are in the middle of. Instead we need to be full of faith and focus on God.

Perhaps when we are in a storm we need to calm ourselves and know that God is in control, instead of freaking out and stressing out hopelessly yelling “where are you God!?”, because chances are He is right there, on the same boat, you just need to redirect your focus on Him and fill your heart with faith instead of fear.

When you’re in a storm take the time to look around and find God, because He is on this journey with you, you just need to have faith to see that.

It may seem as though God stays silent throughout the entire storm but don’t be afraid, He has it sorted and with only words God can make the storm disappear.

“He replied, “You of little faith, why are you so afraid?” Then he got up and rebuked the winds and the waves, and it was completely calm.”

Mathew 8:26

Just know that God is right there, He is not blind to your pain and sorrow because He is in this boat with you. You are not alone. Fill your heart with faith, not fear.